K.C.P.E COMPOSITION 2011

K.C.P.E COMPOSITION 2011

Below is the beginning of a story. Write and complete the story. Make your story as interesting as you can.

HARD WORK NEVER GOES UNREWARDED ( Awarded 36 marks)

We lined up on both sides of the road from the school gate ready to welcome our Member of Parliament (M.P). It was our prize-giving day, which all and sundry had been eagerly waiting for. Sooner than later, the sleek metallic white, Mercedes Benz appeared reflecting the bright rays of the sun. Following bumper to bumper were three black cars perhaps which were for security.

Immense joy was written all our visages as Mr. Simba, the, Member of Parliament was received with shouts of joy and ululations. Before one could utter Jack Robinson we had all settled down under the various tents, patiently waiting for the much antici pated cere mony to begin.

“Good morning and welcome to Kenya Primary Schools’ annual prize-giving day,” boomed the baritone voice of the master of ceremonies from the speakers.

Without further ado, the ceremony began. first and foremost we had entertainment from the plays, to skits to dances….. but the one which almost made the crowd die of laughter was the short play by the standard eight boys. Attired in worn out suits with protruding bellies they danced and walked in a manner that resembled that of a drunken grasshopper.

Not only that, some of them were dressed as ladies, and furthermore swiveled their dresses in pride as they danced with their male counterparts. It was a sight to see! Ripples of laughter rent the air to a point that others cried. Soon, it was time for speeches.

The joyous and noisy atmosphere suddenly turned quiet. Pin-drop silence prevailed as the Member of Parliament who was also our chief guest sauntered to the podium to give his speech. By then, the strange noon day sun was high up the mellow blue sky, mercilessly showering the earth with its oppressive heat.

“Ladies and gentlemen, good afternoon?” he questioned happily.

“Good afternoon,” replied the crowd, in unison. “Today it is with much joy that I stand before you. As you all know hard work brings profit; therefore, without dilly dallying, we shall reward those who were outstanding in the different fields of education,” he remarked jovially, an ear to ear smile swathing his face.

MERITS

The candidate’s good command of language makes an otherwise brand topic to be interesting. From the beginning, the candidate is focused and makes good use of vocabularies and phrases to remain relevant. One has an impression the candidate is narrating an occasion that was actually experienced. The sentence structures and punctuation are okay. There is also good use of idiomatic expression such as

(i)All and Sundry

(ii)Bumper to bumper

(iii)Pin – drop silence

(iv)An ear to ear smile

(v)Without dilly-dallying

(vi)Ripples of laughter among others

Also note the use of vocabularies such as visages, baritone, boomed, sauntered, oppressive and swathingas well as expressions and phrases that are underlined which are so aptly used

DEMERITS

1.Separating words e.g. cere mony instead of ceremony

Antici pated instead of anticipated

2.“sleek metallic white, Mercedes Benz” instead of “sleek white metallic Mercedes Benz”

3.first and foremost we had entertainment from the plays, to skits to dances…… The sentence begun with a small letter instead of capital letter.

4…..Not only that, some of them were dressed as ladies, and furthermore swiveled their dresses in pride as they danced with their male counterparts. The word “furthermore” is redundant and can be done without.

4.“Ladies and gentlemen, good afternoon?” he questioned happily, would have read better if it was written as-“Ladies and gentlemen, good afternoon?” he greeted the crowd happily

There is a feeling that something little more need to have been written to conclude the occasion and answer questions such as What was the main MP’s message to the people?Who did the MP award presents? When and how did

Last modified: Thursday, 25 June 2015, 11:49 PM