K.C.P.E COMPOSITION 2010

Below is the beginning of a story. Write and complete the story. Make your story as interesting as you can.

AN EYE OPENING TWIST OF FATE

The day I have been waiting for finally arrived. I woke up excited and jovial ready to kick-start this day. This was amazingly seen in the breath-taking view of the sunrise that morning. The atmosphere seemed to be bubbling with joy.

As I made my way down-stairs, I met everyone scuttling around doing this and that to make sure everything went swell. Every now and then I kept on gazing out into space as I tried to come to terms with what I would be at the end of this ouspicious day.

All the hustle and bustle was wearing me out, so I decided to go for a little stroll down the street. As I trudged on the dewy lawns, I took a trip down memory lane.

I remembered the first time we set our eyes on each other at college. How we instantly bonded like Darby and Joon. Our promises to each other that would be fulfilled that very dayMike, the apple of my eye. Most importantly that joyful day – when he proposed. The six-carat diamond ring. Just looking at it, I wondered how lucky I was.

However I forgot Lady Luck does not smile at a person. Out of the blues, my cell phone rang. Thinking it was my husband-to-be I picked up without checking who it was.

“Hello, my dear,” I said eagerly. “Hello, my name is Mobida . I would urgently like to speak to you. I was sceptical. I had no inkling of who she was or her motive. The saying goes look before you leap.

“I am terribly sorry, but today is my wedding day and I can’t make it, why don’t you tell me what is up now?” I said with every intention of getting this over with.

“Okay, Here it goes…………” I listened to her story and with every word she uttered grew more and more taken a back. I stood on the lawn like a zombie praying beyond hopes that it was stuff and none sense.

When I hang up, I stood transfixed to the spot. Tears streaming down my countenance I simply could not come to terms with the sudden twist of fate.

Signaling for a taxi, I took one and drove all the way to Greenview apartments. I hobbled up the stairs, a monster red with wrath inside of me yearning to be let loose.

I knocked twice at door four and waited for a response. The door swang open.

“Darling, how are you? What are you doing here? Don’t you know that it’s bad luck to meet before the wedding?” Mike asked ushering me in.

Sweetening the furious look on my visage, I trudged in. Once in, I took a deep breath and turned to confront him. “Mike, I need you to tell me the truth. Do not make a mountain out of a mole hill. Do you love me?” “Of course I do. How can you doubt that?” I made an unconvincing laugh to indicate mockery.

Then why is it that you have also proposed to a lady called Mobida.” The sound of her name made his expression change drastically. I knew as well as he the jig was up.

He tried to beg for mercy but all this fell on deaf ears. I was tired of being played as a fool and a sock puppet. “Never again,” I bellowed as I stormed out of the room.

From then I concur with the undoubtable saying ‘Love is blind.’

MERITS

-The writer appears to have read widely and is conversant with what she writes about. Good command of languages is displayed in the way the vocabularies and phrases are so well used to create suspense that makes the reader to beg for more.See how the vocabularies scuttling, trudged, sceptical, ouspicious among others are used to make the story captivating. The following phrases among others make the composition even more interesting.

-Bubbling with joy

-Hustle and bustle

-Hobbled up the stairs

-The jig was up

-Played as a fool and a sock puppet.

-Transfixed to the spot

Take note of the vocabularies and phrases that are underlined and in italics in the composition

DEMERITS

There are few mistakes that include misspellingsignoling instead of signaling

The part of the composition repeated below does not flow very smoothly.

(--------------our promises to each other that would be fulfilled that very dayMike, the apple of my eye. Most importantly that joyful day – when he proposed. The six-carat diamond ring. Just looking at it, I wondered how lucky I was.) The coma after the name Mike is misplaced and something appear to be missing just before the same name. The last sentence could also be improved. The whole part can be rewritten to read-----------our promises to each other that would be fulfilled that very day (with) Mike, the apple of my eye. Most importantl, that joyful day when he proposed- the six-carat diamond (engagement )ring. Just looking at it (made me)wondered how lucky I was

The idiomatic expression “make a mountain out of a mole hill” is misplaced and the composition would have ended better had it ended at “I stormed out of the room” as the last sentence is a contrast to the moral lesson in the story. Never the less the composition is wonderful an only on close scrutiny are these errors evident.


Last modified: Thursday, 25 June 2015, 11:44 PM