TOP COMPOSITION – 2006

TOP COMPOSITION – 2006 (Awarded 38 marks)

We had come to the end of another term. There was a long holiday before us. My friends and I decided to try something new…………..

Most holidays, we either stayed cooped up in one of our rooms or went swimming. We had been together for a long as anyone could remember. At first, we had planner to do the usual until the night we were huddled up in my room.

We had been discussing about the upcoming days when Andrea asked, “Why doesn’t your mother allow us into your attic?” The question was directed to me but the truth was I did not have a single clue. I looked into my two best friends’ faces and wondered, “Why doesn’t she?” It was really odd. My mother was very easy – going but she would always get vexed if anyone talked about the attic.

Before I could control myself, I said the thing that had been gnawing at all our three heads. “Why don’t we go see?” Uncertainty was evident on our face but we soon agreed upon that notion. It was late at night and everyone else was dead asleep. We crept up the creaking stairs each of us, praying that no one found us.

It was a relief to find ourselves at the top of the flight of stairs without an interference. We stood there for a moment looking confused, anxious and scared. I glanced to my friends and knew it was up to me, to make the first move. I swallowed my fear and summoned as much courage as I could before opening the old Victorian door.

Darkness, murky stenches, cobwebs and dust seemed like the only present thing. “It looks empty. Let’s go. This place gives me the creeps,” Phillipa said as she made for the door.

“Wait a minute, “I said removing the torch I had carried. I knew there was something valuable in there. Something priceless. I brushed away the cobwebs and in the heart of it all, was a chest. I motioned for the others to follow me. They did so, though reluctantly and the three of us found ourselves kneeling around an old dusty chest.

My heart began beating without a reason. Different things began formulating due to my overactive imagination but I brushed them off mentally. I reached out slowly and opened it. At first, it looked empty. But when I looked closely, I saw letters. Dozens of them. We were all rendered speechless. What on earth would letters be doing in an attic?

Dazed, I reached for a letter. TO THE READER’ It read in capital. Excitement had all ready began building in me but I removed the fragile material from the aged envelope and unfolded it, with gentile expertise.

Dear reader,

You must be a descendant of mine to get your hands on this. By finding this chest you have discovered unfathomable greatness in a field that many take for granted.

I paused and glanced at Andrew and Phillipa. Their eyes glistened with interest. I knew it was something very important. They knew it too. ‘This is the key to your future. I was handed this information by my grandmother. Guard it well. You now have the power given to every Jedi warrior. Things shall happen. Unexplainable things. But it is your duty to face them. Be strong,

Yours truly

Tynila.

The door swung open and we turned around in fright. A figure was clearly silhouetted in the dark. It stepped and we found ourselves face to face with my mother. Only this time, she was not angry. She stretched her hands towards us. “Come, you have a lot to learn.”

MERITS OF THE COMPOSITION

-The story is captivating and the candidate’s proves to have read widely.

-The candidate does not just throw around phrases and expressions that have not been internalized.

-He is fully in charge of both the situation and language use.

-Vocabulary’s and phrases arise naturally from the context.

DEMERITS

-The candidate’s unites “Discussing about” which is redundant

-Misspells (i)Valuable instead of valuable

(ii)All ready instead of already

-He also has a clumsy. “I looked into my two friends’ faces………”


Last modified: Thursday, 25 June 2015, 11:24 PM